The beginning.
Hmm…
Have you ever tried – really sat down and spent intentional time reflecting on the moments where your dreams began?
Whoa. This post instantly got much heavier.
Now, my perspective is different, as this is not a personal dream, but it is a dream that I have walked alongside my sister with – and that still carries weight.
The very first thing that comes to my mind when reflecting upon Leah’s dream to have her own apartment is Leah’s High School graduation from Millard South in 2002.
Monumental. Special. Bucket list CHECK MARK. My sister who was born with Down syndrome in 1982, when they recommended that these children be sent to a farm instead of nurtured and loved in a home, just earned her High School Diploma. This moment was one to CELEBRATE. And we absolutely did exactly that.
Megan and Leah on Graduation Day, circa 2002.
But one of the very most important pieces that all of us seem to blind ourselves to is the real, overlooked, vital question that proceeds any huge accomplishment; what‘s next?
Leah completing High School in cap and gown and receiving a diploma is a moment Lifetime Movies thrive upon. While yes, that moment will always be treasured for our family; the untold story is what happens afterwards.
My two sisters have had a very unique educational experience. Leah is one school-grade older than Megan. Leah began elementary school solely in Special Ed. It’s important to remember that this was in the late 1980’s, when Down syndrome research/support/awareness was nowhere near where we are today. It was at this time when “inclusive education” really began.
Because of this, Leah “re-did” 2nd grade, as part of the inclusive education program. For the rest of her schooling, Leah would take classes alongside individuals both with and without disabilities, all the while having one of her classmates being her younger sister Megan.
The beginning.
While this was beautifully empowering, it also directly impacted our family’s perspective and experience. Leah was now going through school alongside her younger sister, in the same grade, with different developmental capacities as Megan. It got complicated.
Though the challenges they went through is a post for another time, it had a huge impact on the journey to Leah’s own place, and is important to highlight. Because of their situation, Leah had a direct comparison at all times to where she was at and where “she should be” at. She put pressure on herself to keep up. She longed to experience the same things her sister was.
The way that Megan handled this unique situation completely blows me away. She was respectful and kind. Equally a mentor as a companion. She included Leah after football games, for birthday parties, and before Homecoming Dances. They even had their Graduation party together, a day that holds a bigger space in Leah’s heart than I realized.
When I was in High School I actually graduate from High school with my sister Megan. At the High School graduation I got to wear a graduation gown and graduation cap with the feather you put off on the left side I think or the right side. I think you put it on your right side and then you put it on your left side when you graduate but I’m not sure.
At the High School graduation I think its down in Downtown Omaha and then I graduate on the Stage. I have the feeling that I had accomplished a lot of things that I been doing at High School on the Stage.
I had a Graduation Party with my sister and a lot of people had come to the party with my High School pictures and things set up on the table and the things I had done at school all on display. I love to see the things on the table of my accomplishments for everyone to enjoy and to learn about too. The things on the table make me feel special when people look at them and say Oh Wow, that is amazing that you did that Leah. That was very special to share the party with my sister Megan.
I got a class ring and it says my name and Millard South High School and the year that I graduate was 2002. To graduate from Millard South High School made me feel confident and really happy in the things I accomplish too.
After you finish High School, you’re supposed to move out of your parent’s house. You’re supposed to go to college. You’re supposed to instantly become an adult; able to vote, serve your country, and all of a sudden be entirely responsible for keeping your own clothes clean. It’s terrifying and exciting; liberating and isolating.
For my sister, High School graduation corresponded with a plateau of sorts. Since grade school, she had been working towards something. There were resources and classmates; goals and a path.
For Leah, High School “Graduation” meant that it was time to begin the “Young Adult Program” – I won’t go into too much detail about this, but the purpose of the program was to extend Leah’s education until she was 21 and able to receive government benefits. After talking with her, it became evident that she was well aware that she hadn’t “officially” graduated after wearing her cap and gown, and that she knew her situation was different. Overall, the program was wonderful. It was helpful in a time of need and helped Leah to maintain a sense of independence, confidence, and aspiration.
When I got my actual diploma I transfer into a Young Adult Program. I did graduate from High School also but then I have to graduate from the program after that.
The Young Adult Program is when you learn the things to have and to be help you to be responsible. And we have lunch there and cook lunch with the teachers there at the program. It’s been a while since I did that, I can’t remember what we did but I think we went over how to do the laundry with the teachers and other things too.
I do like the program. It was a good thing and good experience to have when I was there. It was nice to learn about the things to be responsible and to look after yourself.
I have friends from Millard South who go into the program too and that was nice. It felt really good but then also a little different to see the friends again at the program.
When I start the program my sister Megan got engaged to my Brother in Law Paul and they decide they want to be married together.
Enter: The Root of a Dream.
It was right around this time that Leah expressed to our family the desire for independence. She longed for a place to call her own; a space that she could feel ownership of. She knew darn well that after High School, typically, you move out on your own.
This was only further reinforced by the uniqueness of Megan and Paul’s relationship. Their relationship is incredibly rare and beyond special. After graduation, they began preparations to be married and to build their first home together.
Remember that piece on how Leah aimed to keep up with Megan throughout school? This huge next step would be no exception.
Long talks. Dreams. Someday. Someday. SOMEDAY. I recall several times in the car that we would drive past the apartment complex next to our neighborhood and would say, “someday, I will live there on my own.” Leah knew that her sister was preparing to move into her own house, something that she also dreamed for of her future.
This is a very raw, real situation that all adults with special needs encounter. Leah knew where she should be, but had no idea when, how, or if that ever would happen.
I don’t know when I really start to be thinking about getting my apartment. I am trying to think about when I start talking to mom and dad about that.
It maybe was not exactly after graduation, but I think so. My sister and Paul start to plan for their wedding to be married and move out to the house Paul would build for them to live in. I was so happy and feel so excited for them for that. I think maybe it was then that I start to look at a place for me to have for my own apartment someday too.
Megan and Leah at their Graduation Party!
I remember a long time ago I take a look and see the front of the apartments across from Applewood Heights on Madison Street. I see the apartments and I think maybe someday I can live there and be close to my mom and dad but be on my own too.
The beginning of a dream. It’s kind of fun to look back on. To see how much the dream has transformed over time. To realize that your dream is unique to only you, and it’s entirely unpredictable. To come to terms that life is going to be confusing every single day that we face it, but it’s important to take time to reflect – for it’s during those reflections that you’ll realize just how far you’ve come.
In our next post, we press forward, knocking down walls and building Leah’s “first apartment” in the basement of our childhood home. We hope you join us as we recall the journey.
Here’s to turning our mind’s Upside Down.
Love, love this journey back from both of your perspectives.